A Year Ago it Was Raining
A year ago today it was raining, just like it is right now. It rained like this for days, Baltimore wringing the sweat of summer out of the sky. A year ago today I got offered the job I have now. Over this weekend I’d end up attending my first formal play party, and begin making this website what it is now. If I needed a new birthday today would make a good one.
This stretch of time in the calendar year for me is like the weakening of the veil. I see myself without the barriers of my ego. This trend has been repetative throughout my life. I can’t think of a tail end of August that did not have this moment. Observed mostly in silence, in a thoughtless way, absorbing directly into the deepest parts of who I am.
It has also been a time of major change, it makes sense given that for many years this marked the beginning of school. I also have this uncanny ability of pair my modal shifts, preferring to change everything at once.
A year into BDSM community, and I couldn’t even begin to explain how I got to where I am now. Last night my friends and I were nodding off on the couch watching hojojutsu demonstrations. This was after purposefully setting the floor on fire with my new torches. The night before I had an unofficial meeting with the rape squad during happy hour.
There is a party tomorrow, and I don’t need to think hard on what I’m wearing or what’s going in the bag. My new comfort level with dominating/topping bewilders me, and I simultaneously feel like I know nothing on the subject. My boyfriend’s butt is still a little green from the party last week, and I can’t remember the last time I didn’t have at least one bruise or scratch on my body.
Meanwhile, I still get to work on time.
The path was made up of so many tiny moments. I can’t pick any single one out and name it most important, truly all of them were. I can’t quantify the individual lessons learned. I simply know I know a hell of a lot more than I did a year ago, and a year from now it will be even more.
I am simultaneously thankful that the weather doesn’t change, because there are many moments when I think the only thing that has remained the same is summer ending rains.